my digital journal
a place in which i can express my thoughts, feelings, deepest
and darkest desires, awakenings...
june 4th, 2025
ughhhh it's just that people always say "life gets harder"
"i'm an adult and i'm only surviving off of sex, drugs, caffeine,
ciggarettes, alcohol, porn..." and i'm always like
"if you know how miserable life is and you can admit that
you only find happiness in temporary pleasures, then why are
you, why is this fucked up government and fucked up world
preventing suicide? why can't i put myself out of my fucking misery?"
i hope some of you will understand. maybe some other people are also
a bit more fucking aware of how excruciating living is!
i can only find some hope in love but...
we all know that's not happening
may 31st, 2025
sleep doesn't fix this tiredness. it's a soul-deep
exhaustion. i often dream about the next day and the possibilities
and i realise that that's the worst nightmare of all. reality.
i have done everything to try and escape it. but if living is just
an escape from reality, then what's the point? sometimes i wish i
could just go to sleep and never have to wake up ever again.
every day is exactly the same. i thought death would be an escape,
but when i was met with the possibility of reincarnation or any afterlife
at all, i panicked. i don't want to do this ever again. especially if
there's a chance i'll have to live an even worse life. whatever.
thanks for tuning into my whining...
may 22nd, 2025
why am i never enough?
may 12th, 2025
i want to be loved more than i want to be alive.
may 6th, 2025
love is an extremely delicate thing to me, an escape of sorts. when i have a love
interest, i do everything in my power to change myself to their liking.
(even if they don't exist in this world, lol)
i hate it! i know it comes from a place of deep self-worth issues.
but what if i don't have low self-esteem? what if i really
am the most miserable, worthless human to ever exist?
my mind has been extremely loud for the past couple of days.
don't know how to make all of this even a little more quiet.
i'm scared to stay here.
"and when i find that a knife sticking out of my side, i'll pull it out without questioning why"
© 2025 - eternity