this is a really corny journal from a depressed teenage girl
february 27th, 2025
i have this feeling deep down that nobody really likes me. from what i can remember, i have always felt so. different. i've always been more sensitive than other kids. why am i the only one who cares? about anything really. in my countries culture there's this deeply rooted "not giving a single shit about anything". i have never felt like i belong here. but everywhere i look it's all the same. the world just sucks. i was born with an ache in my chest that nobody else seems to have.
march 1st, 2025
i either kill myself or learn to live with this emptiness in my chest. i know i don't have a future. i hate everything about myself. living doesn't seem so hard for others. then why is it for me? when i try to picture my future i see pitch black. living is inherently suffering. suicide is the escape. why is suicide so demonized? i don't think my absence will affect anyone anyway. i just wish i knew how to be normal. god i hate thissssssssssss
march 5th, 2025
"nothing can stop me now, 'cause i don't care anymore"
living while knowing you can kill yourself if it gets too hard is very comforting. death is comforting. i wish life was as comforting as death. but it's not. i have a privilleged life too. maybe i just need to be more grateful instead of whining on this fuckass site lmao. my medication isn't working. everyone believes im getting better... i'm not. i still have this hole in my chest and i always will. there's nothing i can do about it.
march 10th, 2025
i don't care if it hurts,
i wanna have control.
i want a perfect body.
i want a perfect soul.
god how i hate my body. i hope i can make it through today while starving. i hope my parents don't notice. my excuses to not eat are bullshit.
"and when i find that a knife sticking out of my side, i'll pull it out without questioning why"